Kirsten Captures

I don’t have much time. But do I ever have time anymore?

Since becoming a mother my time is tied up in the daily motions and emotions of my children and I am so grateful. Grateful to focus on things outside of myself, to allow the joy and experiences of the world to sweep me up, to understand that going into my inner world is a privilege that I must fight for every day. For the last 6 years I have been consumed by my children and I am just now finding my way back to myself. Back to the things that bring me joy, that make me… me. And a big part of that is writing, expressing myself on this tiny blog that evolved from a college photography class assignment, to post college emo photography musings, to a fitness and health space, to a long-winded travel blog and then to…. nothing.

It’s been more than 3 years since I have posted here because I stopped traveling and because I had 3 kids in the span of 4 years. Your girl has been busy!

Yes we continue to travel at least once a year to the North Carolina mountains with a few small weekend trips here and there. But we are mostly very stationary at this point in our lives. Our kids are currently 6, 4 and 2 years old and we are just getting out of this really hard and all consuming stage of taking care of little babies. I am so so so grateful that I spent most of my 20’s traveling, living abroad, and experiencing the fullness of life. It made settling down and having babies easier to embrace and enjoy. Traveling and living abroad might seem glamorous but it was often very lonely, traumatizing, and destabilizing. Settling down and starting a family was a challenging transition but has led to amazing personal breakthroughs and the creation of a loving home base that I have craved since leaving my parent’s home for college. Becoming a mother has really been a dream come true, a culmination of all the things I have worked towards, a pivotal moment marking the next phase of my life.

In the last few years I have shifted my limited time and energy towards my photography business and posting on my professional photo website. My photography business has certainly evolved over the years and it has been such a sacred space to continue to create and support my family in some small way. Photographing humans was never my thing so it has been a beautiful challenge to capture people and their families. Becoming a parent was a huge evolution for me to finally embrace capturing people from behind the camera. It takes a lot of vulnerability to connect with people as their photographer, to embrace my innate silliness and create moments for children to laugh and play and smile. However, turning a creative hobby into a business tends to suck the fun and creativity out of it all. My goal in this “easier” stage of motherhood is to reclaim my creativity and get back to the small things that bring me joy, like writing and photography on this blog.

So I reclaim this space just for me. Of course this space is public and open to whoever lands upon it in the realm of the inter-webs. But I reclaim this space as a creative outlet, to open up the rusty spigot and let those creative juices flow. Forgive me while I work out the kinks in the flow. This space might be clunky for awhile as I navigate the process of writing again. Or maybe I will never post here again. Whoe knows. Again, I am just here taking up space.

Creating for the sake of creating. Wish me luck.