By all means it should have been a fantastic day.
Like a superb day.
First good news. I won an award at work! I received a big package in the mail which turned out to be my Exceptional Contributor Award in a massive frame. The award is almost hilariously large. But I am very happy that my hard work this past year and half was noticed. So happy!
I’m totally hanging this on the wall of my office.
Second good news. I ate a carrot for an afternoon snack.
What was great is that I scheduled my first personal training client this weekend! Hooray!
I had talked to this older gentleman before at the gym about training but I never got his information and then didn’t see him for 3 weeks or so. Turns out he was in Italy but now wants help getting back in the gym. I can do that! We have our first session Saturday and I am so excited.
Despite all this great news, I was in a terrible mood! I haven’t seen Peter for almost 2 months and it is around this time when I start to get antsy. And sad. And lonely. And angry about my lack of a work/home separation and general independence.
And then it rains all day.
And then I get hit on by a creepy guy at the gym. Who gives me a neck massage. It’s a long story but definitely not the highlight of my day.
What happens when I am in a bad mood?
I eat. And eat and eat and eat until my stomach aches and throat burns.
There it is. My dirty secret. Sometimes I binge. I am not proud of it but understand it a whole lot more after years of soul searching. Usually I am compelled to binge when I am emotional, especially when I am feeling lonely or not in control of my life. I eat although I am not hungry in an effort to fill an emotional void.
It sucks. It hurts. I hate it. But I have learned not to hate myself because of it. I address each episode and take account of the emotion behind it. I am definitely a work in progress but know I am making headway in controlling these urges.
Yes I work out a lot in part because I want to “burn off” those calories consumed. And yes I know that working out a lot makes me hungrier which sometimes can cause me to binge. But in the overall picture, I work out because I love it!
I love to lift heavy things, I love to challenge my body, I love to sweat, I love to feel the burn, I love the feeling of accomplishment after a tough workout. I love to make my body healthier, happier, more adaptable, more flexible, harder, better, faster, stronger…
And now I am ready to help others feel better and live better!
This post went totally off on a tangent but it felt like the right time to discuss my eating issues. Now you know a little more about me and what drives me when it comes to health and fitness. I don’t just care about having the perfect body. I care about living my best life in the healthiest body possible for the rest of my hopefully long life.
Who’s with me?