Day 156: Good Day, Bad Mood

By all means it should have been a fantastic day.

Like a superb day.

Stupendous day.

Fan-flippin-tastic day.

First good news. I won an award at work! I received a big package in the mail which turned out to be my Exceptional Contributor Award in a massive frame. The award is almost hilariously large. But I am very happy that my hard work this past year and half was noticed. So happy!

I’m totally hanging this on the wall of my office.

Second good news. I ate a carrot for an afternoon snack.

Just kidding, that wasn’t part of my great day although it did have a satisfying crunch.

What was great is that I scheduled my first personal training client this weekend! Hooray!

I had talked to this older gentleman before at the gym about training but I never got his information and then didn’t see him for 3 weeks or so. Turns out he was in Italy but now wants help getting back in the gym. I can do that! We have our first session Saturday and I am so excited.

Despite all this great news, I was in a terrible mood! I haven’t seen Peter for almost 2 months and it is around this time when I start to get antsy. And sad. And lonely. And angry about my lack of a work/home separation and general independence.

And then it rains all day.

And then I get hit on by a creepy guy at the gym. Who gives me a neck massage. It’s a long story but definitely not the highlight of my day.

What happens when I am in a bad mood?

I eat. And eat and eat and eat until my stomach aches and throat burns.

There it is. My dirty secret. Sometimes I binge. I am not proud of it but understand it a whole lot more after years of soul searching. Usually I am compelled to binge when I am emotional, especially when I am feeling lonely or not in control of my life. I eat although I am not hungry in an effort to fill an emotional void.

It sucks. It hurts. I hate it. But I have learned not to hate myself because of it. I address each episode and take account of the emotion behind it. I am definitely a work in progress but know I am making headway in controlling these urges.

Yes I work out a lot in part because I want to “burn off” those calories consumed. And yes I know that working out a lot makes me hungrier which sometimes can cause me to binge. But in the overall picture, I work out because I love it!

I love to lift heavy things, I love to challenge my body, I love to sweat, I love to feel the burn, I love the feeling of accomplishment after a tough workout. I love to make my body healthier, happier, more adaptable, more flexible, harder, better, faster, stronger…

And now I am ready to help others feel better and live better!

This post went totally off on a tangent but it felt like the right time to discuss my eating issues. Now you know a little more about me and what drives me when it comes to health and fitness. I don’t just care about having the perfect body. I care about living my best life in the healthiest body possible for the rest of my hopefully long life.

Who’s with me?

2 thoughts on “Day 156: Good Day, Bad Mood

  1. Working with your parents is hard. Especially if your personal relationship with them becomes overtaken by your work relationship. LAME.

    Don’t let the weather get you down, girl. You’ll see your boy soon 🙂

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